Month: May 1999

backstory: some of these links are long-dead or redirected (sometimes entertainingly so). remember, these are preserved-in-a-pickle jar posts, for my bizarre archiving purposes.

5/17/99: Moya found this site. Click on Jesus to see it. Dance, our savior, dance!

Everything about everything in your paranoid fantasies is true. Read all about it by clicking the alien equation above.

backstory: i was shocked to discover that, after years of the site being dormant, there is sort-of new content on this site. The whole schwa thing was a complete mystery to me, then and now, until, of course, I just accessed wikipedia.

backstory: huh, yesterdayland is password-protected these days (aug 2006). This site was ahead of its time.. comprehensive databases of old TV shows and chat boards for each..even streaming video of commercials and show snips. I wonder if the content is anywhere else. Browsing this site and reminiscing with others about “Zoom” (and other TV shows that did not exist in any form of rerun/DVD at the time) really hit me for the first time, in 1999, the power of community-linking thru the internet.

Could there be a burgeoning “Rushmore” backlash? First Jon and Lisa didn’t like it, now Brian and Amy G chime in: “it left us cold.” AIIIEIEEEEEIIEIEIEIEEEEEE! No really, by all means, let me know what you people TRULY thought of it.. I can handle it. You are wrong, however. This movie was the best! Even the the cranky critic at http://www.crankycritic.com/archive99/rushmore.html (why didn’t I think of the name “cranky critic” first?) liked it.

Here’s one of many sites for “Rushmore.” It has some QuickTime clips and such. Not that I know too much about that kind of thing, as this browser supports nada: http://movies.go.com/rushmore/index.html

backstory: j and l hating rushmore continued to burn, esp. after they admitting liking royal tenenbaums. like, why that and not this? i do admit, repeated viewings of rushmore are hit and miss for me. but man, that soundtrack. got me interested in all sorts of things.

Highly recommended is the soundtrack, too. I can finally come out of the shame closet and admit how much I’ve adored Cat Stevens all these years. In fact, here’s a little beefcake picture of him:

look at that mod watch! sigh.

I met Cat Stevens in 1978, right after he became Yusuf Islam. I was not in love with him yet, so I didn’t embarrass myself, much. Of course, being in was embarrassing enough. The oddest moment was when Danny Kaye walked into the room, and he and Cat ran to each other and hugged most affectionately.

backstory: my word, i seemed to care a LOT what others thought. seems that i am much more secure about me and mine.

(missing picture) Hurrah for Band-Aids! A mere fact of life, taken for granted, never appreciated. Well, this guy Kevin Savetz says nertz to you–he appreciates them plenty. Hope he doesn’t get mad at me for bastardizing a Band-Aid box (above.) 75 years of Band-Aid at:
http://www.savetz.com/bandaid/

(missing picture) I haven’t seen my friend Rebecca B in a coon’s age! For those of you keeping score, Rebecca is Timothy S’s former roommate up in Seattle. Here is some art of hers. It’s so cool, I might just change my opinion of kitties yet. Oh maybe not. Look at more of Rebecca’s art at:
http://www.drizzle.com/~rbush/index.html

backstory: i’m very pleased to report that i recently saw timothy and rebecca in seattle this past summer (06) after a long time. rebecca is working for tim’s a successful business, and she’s still cranking out her amazing art.

Now, G is a new friend. I keep him nice and busy with many computer and Internet questions, often several times a day. No matter that he has about three jobs. Anyway, you’ll dig this site he has, devoted to all things barbeque.

backstory: when i lived in so cal in early 98, i was given the task to design a website, and knew literally nothing — no html, nada. g was a patient person and was instrumental in changing my career path forever (in a positive way). this geek was the best of the best. wherever you are, i salute you

Okay, everyone gets a plug this month, I’m feelin generous. The almighty Zircus is out with a CD, believe it or not! Here’s the 411 about all things Zircus at Racer Records. Hey Ray, is Zircus playing this summer or not?

backstory: indeed, they did. zircus was formed around 1989 and lasted several years. I was intimately involved with the band in lots of ways. they reunited in 99. it was absolutely bizarre to see them back together.

Hey, if you’ve been going in order of “WhoWhatWhereWhenHow”, you’re done, unless you haven’t written me or signed the guest book.

Thank you for visiting. I hope everything is okeydokey.

Love, Becky

March 27, 1999, approx. 11:30 PM: My nephew, Sam H, has just completed roasting a marshmallow on a barbeque skewer. Holding the red-hot skewer with his left hand, he throws something to his friend. He manages to impale his right index finger on the tine of the skewer. It is so hot it goes like butter right through his finger. The wound is instantly cauterized. The skewer has become one with his finger. MMMM-mmm good eating!!

These are the real X-rays.

The top tine of the skewer is going through Sam’s index finger. The rest of the skewer has been cut off by the doctors.

My nephew swears that this was an act of non-“enhanced” stupidity.

This is a real Polaroid of the impaled fingie. I missed this whole drama; I was performing at improv that night. Sorry to have missed it, yessir. Sam is fine, by the way. Still numb, but the finger’s fine. Ha ha.

My sock monkey web site research has been fun, but most of the pages start to look the same after a time. Especially since we’ve all stolen the waving/winking monkey graphic (below.)

All the sites feature pix of socks doing all sorts of cute things. “Here’s my sock monkey watching TV!” “Here he is at a bar mitzvah!”

This sock cult is like a weird cross between: those people that steal garden gnomes and take them all over the world; and the worst kind of cat people.

But I don’t care, because MY socky is so cute! Sprung from the talented loins of Danny and Alison, Pervis has come into my life.

Having Pervis enter my life really created some CLOSURE for me, as D & A are the caretakers of Socky, with whom I had a long and complicated affair.

Socky brushing his sock teeth

Video cover for I, Socky

In retrospect, we really started drifting apart much longer ago than either of us want to admit. I wanted a simpler life in Ventura; Socky was still into being wild and free.

The final nail in our relationship coffin was his starring role in “I, Socky” which catapulted him into “Next Big Thing” star status, and, well, he got to live the high life he wanted.

I’m really happy for him. Trixie came into his life last Chanukah and I have to admit she’s really quite stylish and dare I say, a grounding influence for him.

But I’ll always love you, Socky.

You can order Danny and Alison’s opus I, Socky by emailing for more info: s8romeo@aol.com

Title:
Portrait of Socky, Happy Apple, Deer & Burt X2

Artist:
Hambox

Media:
Red and Black Sharpies on Old Piece of Cardboard

Completed:
April 13, 1998

On loan from the Plotnick/Levy Museum, San Francisco, CA

PETSA
People for the Ethical Treatment of Sock Animals

Hundreds of sock monkeys are ripped from their safe
homes every day and savagely misused for research purposes.
Most of this research is completely useless! Experiments on
the durability of cotton, on methods of eliminating sock odor
and the relative warmth of sock monkey hide could
easily be carried out on non-antropomorphological textiles.

This flyer was left at anonymously at my birthday party at Brian’s, 5/98.
No one’s copped to it…yet. My money is on Paul and Celia.

I got this CD because it was on sale at Borders for five bucks and because Track #3 is titled “Sock Monkey.” Little did I know that, what I thought was going to be unlistenable novelty dreck, turned out to be a VERY happening CD. Smooth and groovy and all instrumental; slightly reminiscent of Mongo Santamaria. Available from Desco Records, (212) 924-2298

backstory: brian g and i were wandering around sf one evening in 03, with nothing to do. we happened upon the elbo room and sugarman 3 happened to be playing upstairs. they were superb. what a funny way to back into a band’s universe.

LET’S GO TO THE LINKS!

Now here are some sock monkey links to keep you busy the rest of your afternoon at work:

• Homepage of Tim. Tim’s soundbites are very funny. Why do so many sock monkeys have such similar voices? Socky, Tim, and my own Pervis (as channelled through my mother) have the same screetchy quality. Dismissed as coincidence!?! link
• About this link: I have not seen the video “Red Butted Sock Monkey of Death,” but I can just tell that “I, Socky” is far superior. link
• Sock Monkey Anonymous: link
• This guy has the coveted dot.com address. link
• Homepage of SOX: link
• Homepage of SODA: link
• Jason’s Sock Monkey Site: link
• Sock Monkey Santo: link
• Monty’s Sock Monkey Jokes: link
• A Tribute to the All-Mighty Sock Monkey: link
• Nate’s Sock Monkey Hub. This is where I got alot of these links. Thanks, Nate! link
• Jon’s Country Crafts. Great background music (thanks Brenna:) link
• Sock It To Me: link
• Ashbury Designs. Sock snakes and tigers, too: link
• The Monkey Market: link
• Intel’s Web Site with that Sock Monkey Commercial: link

[originally found here]

My mystical experience with Hello Kitty & friends (excerpt)

How can I explain the depth of my Sanrio religious revelations? How could I hope to explain how much it means to me? It must be experienced through endless study, mediation, and shopping. I could talk for days about my quest for enlightenment, and my spiritual guide, Tuxedo Sam. Tuxedo Sam accompanied me on all my pilgrimages, saying he wanted to help. I could tell you of how I found Kerokerokeroppi seated in divine serenity on his lily pad, his huge eyes seeing all, as he compelled us toward Nirvana simply by living Ribbit. I could tell you how I cried when the nails went through Zashikibuta’s hands, and how I rejoiced when he rose 3 days later. Of course I will never forget how My Melody appeared before me and miraculously filled my cloak with flowers; the shrine I built to house her image draws streams of pilgrims to this day.

All of this, however, is almost commonplace compared to the time I found HELLO KITTY herself. I can not explain the experience, I can only tell you what I remember of it.

It took 40 days for Tuxedo Sam and I to cross the great burning desert. I was half crazy with thirst, but Tuxedo Sam was eternally cool. At last we reached the Great Palace, a riot of red and grey stone intricately carved 20,000 years ago, the spires reaching to the sky. I hesitantly knocked on the 5 story high mahogany door. A voice inside droned, “Who seeks entrance?”

“A humble pilgrim”, I said.

“And Tuxedo Sam”, added the spiffy one.

A thunderclap struck. I was suddenly whisked a great distance… I couldn’t tell if it was up or down. As soon as my eyes could focus, I found myself next to Tuxedo Sam in an enormous domed room surrounded by great towering round columns, all of black marble.

In front of me was a sight that made every follicle of my hair stand on end, a sight simultaneously by far the most beautiful and the most repulsive I had ever seen. There, on a giant golden throne, was HELLO KITTY herself!! Despite the chill air of the marble hall, I broke into a uncontrollable sweat as I fell to my knees and bowed down. I was unable to take my eyes off her. HELLO KITTY looked different here in her throne room than the images of her I had seen before. She was huge. Her red hair ribbon had been replaced with a bejeweled crown. Her great mouthless head seemed larger, rounder, and more brilliant than the sun. HELLO KITTY had an uncountable number of arms.

The mitten-like paws of some held swords, others bowls of blood, others fistfuls of dollars, yen, pesos, and deutchemarks. I could not count the number of rapidly writhing short stubby arms which seemed to exist in many more than 3 dimensions. HELLO KITTY wore a necklace of sculls of humans, animals, and Disney characters. Something in the pit of my stomach told me that one of those skulls was my own. Other than this gory jewelry, HELLO KITTY wore nothing from neck to waist, and the sight of her 3 pair of impossibly full round feline teats would have immediately impelled me to rush forward to grab and suckle had I not been paralyzed with fear. I had never felt so alive before…and yet at the same time, never so close to, so intimate with, death.

As HELLO KITTY uncrossed and recrossed her shapely legs beneath her silk skirt I got a view that made Sharon Stone look like a man in comparison. I immediately went more rigid than I thought possible as I ejaculated blood.

“Hello, Hello Kitty”, said Tuxedo Sam.

A voice answered back, louder than a thousand rock concerts, with words which seemed to stretch from pole to pole, from the lowest hell to the highest heaven: “I AM HELLO KITTY, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!”

“I love you, Hello Kitty!” I cried, as bowed repeatedly before the magnificent awesome presence. “I — I love you, Hello Kitty ! I love you, Hello Kitty!” Tears poured from my eyes, I trembled all over, and I longed for HELLO KITTY to kill me then and there, except that more than anything else I wanted to spend eternity bowing and repeating, “I love you, Hello Kitty! I love you, Hello Kitty!”

A small voice to my side added, “I love you, Hello Kitty.” Tuxedo Sam tipped his stylish hat, saying, “Goodbye, Hello Kitty”, as he coolly waddled over to a door under a red neon sign marked “EXIT”.

“Goo– Good bye, Hello Kitty!” I stammered as I rushed to follow the elementary penguin out the egress.

I don’t remember any of what happened for over a year after that. But I have never, not for a second, stopped thinking about HELLO KITTY since.