I think I want to buy a home. I don’t know if I can buy a home, so I’m finding out everything I can about it. I will be post my progress here from time to time. Part one is here. Part two is here.

My roommate and I are both trying to make Big Purchases — her, a boat (on which she’ll live); me, a home (in which I’ll live, on land). Roomie is a wonderful, creative, well-adjusted human, the sort of person whose advice I’ll often seek and take. We’ve been talking a lot about Managing the dreaded Expectations.

She’s getting close to finalizing her purchase, although as it often goes, it is not over until every last paper is signed, every last penny is wired, every last decision rethought.

I am not close. My share of the house sale is still pending and the amount will be less than what was calculated by my loan guy. Dismaying to have a significantly lower down payment as the housing prices are continuing to rise out, out, out of my reach.

Both of us are very cautious and really examining our vows to keep expectations in check. What if this purchase doesn’t happen for her? What if owning a home will never happen for me? If our expectations were in check, it wouldn’t feel so bad. But it’s feeling bad.

I’m okay — for now. Though I despise renting, I live in a relatively affordable apartment, which will be all mine when (and IF) roomie’s boat dream becomes a reality. But looking ahead to the rest of my life dealing with loud neighbors, vertical blinds (gag), deposits, property managers, over and over again… Oh dear me. It makes me sad. Especially so because I’m close, so close, but all the ducks need to be in a row and those damn ducks may not get there.

It’s not like I have to let go of the dream, but I need to loosen my grasp a little. It’s the hard reality of doing what I do, in the age that I live in; destined to be hovering slightly over the poverty line, with many decks stacked against a single earner like me. Ah, now I see what rich husbands are for.

I do see a happy life for the next few months, least. I love where I live, there’s a good chance I will be able to get some of my possessions, cold-stored for lo these 3.5 years, out and unpacked. I love my roommate, so if she has to keep her expectations lower than expected for a while, we’ll get through it together.

And I’ll keep Pinning interesting home decor ideas. I have to have some kind of hope, right?