1. Wash face, smile like a dork for the camera
2. Get your lights punched out
Dab on dark brown eyeshadow and blue food coloring. Wet fingers and swoosh around. Add yellow food coloring for highlights!
3. Nip ‘n’ tuck
Make the surgeon’s marks: cut, lipo, lift. Bloody up the hairline (where the stitches are,) your nose, your chin (where the implant went in.)
4. Bandage the mess up
Forego the Method technique of padding in the mouth to indicate swelling, as you’ll have trouble talking and drinking.
5. Make your gazongas huge, bruise ’em, then bandage ’em
Don’t forget to don a classy housecoat.
6. Put on your shades and gingerly creep around
Make sure to force people to hug you. Then when they do, recoil and hiss through your teeth: careful! ow! CAREful!
And voila, there you have “Scary Facelift Lady,” or: “Me in 20 Years”!
Comments
5 responses to “step by step instructions”
Thats so good! Very imaginative!
you are amazing!
BRAVA! I like pic #2 the best. Very subtle. You would get double takes if you were out & about. People would think you really did get your lights punched out. Everything does look quite sore in the final shot.
I could say
“Wow, I just did some parent/teacher conferences and I think you may have punk’d me? Was that you posing as one of my student’s parents?”
or
“Is this a plastic surgery disaster or did you fall off a boat after too many margaritas while listening to Margarittaville?”
thanks for such a vivid how-to! perhaps if i get into the spirit of things next year i’ll use your instructions myself.