Important Breaking News at the Ventura County Star
Most musical headline:
Man stabbed, not shot, in Simi Valley parking lot
Repeat that headline outline in a singsong manner. Perhaps add another line. And a chorus! Then sing “Stabby Song” to your relatives tomorrow until someone throws a drumstick at your head.
The other important story the day after Obama’s election:
Dog trapped under car is rescued
“Today the tail’s wagging,” the owner said. “We feel so lucky.”
Just plain good news:
Haircuts for heroes
Jail for man who hit dad with hammer
High winds will likely die down
Most meta:
Ventura County Star delivery person robbed of vehicle, newspapers
On Sale at the (can’t quite believe they haven’t changed their name) Oriental Trading Company
- Animated Soft Leg
- Inflatable Wedding Cake
- Putty-Eye Neon Monkeys
- Squeezable Sticky Cows
Just to Confound Googling Perverts
Other Bloggers Have Much More Interesting Lives then I
Craig Robinson went for a walk with his friend along the Thames. They discussed how disgusting various quantities of different food might be.
For example; eating a square metre of fried egg white. Or eating a brick of marzipan. Drinking a pint of hot butter, or a pint of aspic. Having a leaf-blower blow a crushed croissant’s flakes right down your throat. Or wearing a complete fried chicken’s skin as a helmet and eating your way out.
On That Note
Have a good Thanksgiving.
Comments
One response to “haunted by putty-eye neon monkeys”
Ooh, fun post all the way around.
Man stabbed, not shot, in Simi Valley parking lot
He’s cold, not hot, and now his wound wont ever clot
Dear Becky, I do not want to post anymore. Thank you.