i found a source of the rot

If you’ve ever done any freelance creative work, then I know you know the type of client: utterly clueless, but with a seemingly endless arsenal of jargon and and must-haves and fake know-it-all-ness. A closet technophobe that obscures his/her ignorance with demands and buzzwords and words of “advice.”

Where do these people come from? How did they acquire their half-assed knowledge? Why do they keep propagating?

I have the answer: from horrible marketing workshops like the one I attended recently.

It was a mistake that I was there, but I was mislead by the invitation. I’ll try to be a little discreet there — let’s just say that this was a communications workshop that was intended for beginners, but that fact was not communicated to the public at large. And I am not a beginner.

I acknowledge the permanent wideness of the playing field — especially when it comes to technology, and especially when it comes to the nonprofit sector. The workshop was full of people who really didn’t know much at all about marketing in the modern age. Not their fault. That’s why they were there.

(I have to admit here though, that my mind was blown when one of the attendees, an Executive Director, stated that a third of her nonprofit’s advertising budget went into Yellow Page advertising. Like, the actual Yellow Pages. Huh.)

I blame the workshop people. The class was structured in a way that people received too much information and not enough, in equal and toxic portions. And it was taught by individuals with varying levels of knowledge of their area of supposed expertise. The 20-something “social networking expert” didn’t even know that the “number sign” was called a hash tag.

The designer guy spent a whole lot of time giving the room semi-accurate information about “vector-based art” and the importance of the right colors for your logo, but absolutely no information about how to hire a designer. Basically, he loaded people up with some technical jargon, some opinions on what they’ll now think are the only colors for a logo, and sent them on their way. Next steps: workshop participants will either scrape together money to hire a designer (who will be throttled creatively), or they will design it themselves with their new-found expertise (how, I don’t know, since the designer guy did not discuss software at all). The Oatmeal knows what I’m talking about.

A lot of time on logos, and not enough time spent on websites. Oh, but they covered HTML meta tags! Without explaining how one goes about actually editing HTML. And they covered WordPress. Without explaining Content Managements Systems in general.

I could go on and on. After they completely dismissed Twitter as an effective tool, I had to Tweet, right then and there. Thank goodness, fellow creative type Regina was there to commiserate.

Becky: “A third of our marketing budget is spent on Yellow Page advertising.” OMG where AM I??

Becky: “Let’s go over meta tags.” I seem to be in a Marketing 101 Class, please send help

Regina: When did you get a Way Back Machine?!

Becky: worst workshop ever. the SOCIAL NETWORKING EXPERT didn’t even know that the “number sign” is called a f*cking hashtag

Regina: o_O Let me guess… Yellow pages, number signs,… The archaic workshop was hosted by some gov. agency? Amazed you live to tell. 🙁

(It’s another story, why I suffered through 5 hours of this, why I didn’t leave instead of stewing then writing a long and critical blog post.)

8 Comments

  1. cardiogirl on November 22, 2010 at 2:27 am

    Long, long ago I worked in the Marketing Department of a mortgage company and the three words I learned to dread were: Jazz it up.

    I’ve come to believe that jazzing something up is like trying to catch a moonbeam in a Mason jar. For me, it also became a subliminal suggestion to pull out the shotgun and jazz up the client’s face.

    p.s. Yay for Regina! She’s alive, she’s well and she’s referencing the Way Back Machine!



  2. Cloudy on November 22, 2010 at 10:02 am

    You are the blogging queen. As a faithful consumer, I am loving this.



  3. Shana on November 22, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    My brief and limited forays into graphic design yielded the same results. I’ve found my true ninth circle of hell is when the client is also a friend, which adds awkwardness about pricing to the mix. Ugh.

    Thanks for the excellent undercover scoop, Crack-reporter Hambox!



  4. Heather on November 22, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Yeah. I do a little virtual assisting for a professional who was told by a guy “who has done a lot of social marketing” (for one person, as far as I can tell, who was already pretty well seen) that FB and Twitter just don’t give you the clients you are looking for. The only way to draw in clients, he said three months ago, was to build up an email list and send out articles on a regular basis. Sigh. I’m no marketer, but I know better than that!



  5. Kyle on November 22, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Man I love that Oatmeal comic! And I really want to hear more about this dreadful workshop.



  6. hambox on November 22, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    These are excellent comments. I’magonna go “jazz up” somebody’s face!

    I realize that programmers and developers probably get this too, different sides of the same coin. Kyle, I’ll bet you can testify.



  7. Melissa on November 24, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    I was speaking to a friend about this very issue last week. She works as freelance makeup artist and often tells people to *not* go to beauty school because the people that teach those classes are not in the top of their field, and are often very out of touch with the current marketplace. I think the same thing happens with tech classes/workshops. The teachers are not dependent on private clients for income, so they have no concept of the marketplace. That being said, I still cannot believe the amount of bad advice I get from our marketing department (at a college)…I mean, surely these people can use google and figure some of this stuff out on their own?!?!



  8. Heather on November 26, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Best bad marketing decision I’ve seen lately: Drake University’s “D+” campaign. Major fail.