Happy new year to you and yours. I plan to be nicer, move-ier and floss-ier in 2010, and remove some pesky addictions from my life.

And now, I present to you the past year, recorded daily, with a five-word limit.

January

January 1: Champagne: when will I learn?
January 2: Rediscovering my old love, iSketch
January 3: Strange Bird rock show — tasty
January 4: The holidays burnt me out
January 5: Fuck Monday and fuck chorizo
January 6: Completed my very first Sudoku
January 7: Abandonment complex in full flower
January 8: Ex is in town. Coping.
January 9: My apartment is red-alert messy
January 10: First fillup of ’09! Vroom!
January 11: Hiking, mini-golf, cold coming on
January 12: Remarkable, phlegmy, wheezy, smoking-aunt cough
January 13: Fig Greek yogurt. Fucking YUM
January 14: Contract with self: improve life
January 15: Wishing it worked with him
January 16: Hot, annoying, endless, stupid wind
January 17: Mall, pedicure, Mongolian BBQ! USA!
January 18: Mom died six years ago tonight.
January 19: Year of Service Kickoff: quilt!
January 20: My president is Barack Obama!
January 21: Fifteen hour workday. Fifteen. Hour.
January 22: Raining outside, covered in code.
January 23: Finished two quilts. Feeling melancholy.
January 24: Glassy-eyed exhaustion, weirdly. Held babies!
January 25: First vomit of the new year
January 26: Made a scarf. Watched TV.
January 27: Holding pity party for myself
January 28: Godawful day. Was a bitch.
January 29: Stepping closer to DMV cleanliness
January 30: Feeling productive and useful today
January 31: Ran errands, like a grownup!

February

February 1: Regretful about accepting freelance jobs.
February 2: Beautiful weather. Pho dinner. A-okay.
February 3: Surprise present: Jeana pendant! Yay!
February 4: Watched doc about hoarders. Freaked
February 5: Rain. More rain. Pouring, seriously!
February 6: Driving to Sequoia National Park
February 7: Snowshoeing in forest. Favorite memory.
February 8: Reluctantly chaining down the mountain
February 9: Overslept. Mind still in Sequoia
February 10: Overslept again. Get it together!
February 11: Chilly, windy, work-at-home day. Productive.
February 12: Drone day — except for mariachis!
February 13 (Friday the 13th): Not feeling unlucky. Lemon drops!
February 14: Feeling so, SO painfully single.
February 15: Lunch with Turq lifted spirits
February 16: Celebrating presidents with bowling, cards
February 17: No adjustment to 5am wakeup
February 18: Suffering from depression. Well, fuck
February 19: Feeling poverty’s icy hand again
February 20: BOO to bad improv shows
February 21: Getting ready for Etsy store
February 22: Photo shoot, then: high fever
February 23:  3.5 hrs sleep. Surprisingly chipper
February 24: Dinner with Andy at Sojourner
February 25: My GI tract is a wreck
February 26: Slighted. Hurt. Weepy. So lonely.
February 27: Pity party over. TCB. Working.
February 28: Feb. over, hooray. Attitude adjustment.

March

March 1: Etsy store opens, sales made
March 2: Busy busy busy. Cocktails. Busy.
March 3: Despise designing for Internet Explorer
March 4: Snored on bus. New low.
March 5: Wonky elbow in sling! Ow!
March 6: Headache makes day like molasses
March 7: Had fun on stage tonight
March 8: Chained to computer with freelance
March 9: Daylight Saving almost killed me
March 10: Drinks with fun coworkers, yay
March 11: Huh? Wha? Out of it
March 12: Eighth graders freak me out
March 13: Long live the eroticized handrail
March 14: Overall, teenagers freak me out
March 15: Dinner with J and C
March 16: Yuck. Dirty dirty DIRTY house.
March 17: Vietnamese food and Guinness. Begorrah!
March 18: Can’t find dress. Ghetto Ross.
March 19: Dress: Kohl’s! So much freelance.
March 20: Drive drive drive. Then: SF!
March 21: Karl and Kevin’s wedding: indescribable.
March 22: Bloody Marys before long drive.
March 23: Lost, Season 1. Getting adequate-r.
March 24: Aunt’s in hospital, worrying hard
March 25: Brother and family in town!
March 26: Lord, I need to work out.
March 27: Niece, poppingly pregnant, holy moley.
March 28: Stepdad old, infirm — needs help
March 29: Exausted, cranky, so much family
March 30: Grinding pain in stomach. Ulcer?
March 31: Dressed down at work. Demoralized.

April

April 1: This year’s going so fast!
April 2: Crying through Season 2, Lost
April 3: Work work worrk woik wok!
April 4: Canceled SF trip, lazing about
April 5: Held twin babies then napped
April 6: Bus work Lost food sleep
April 7: Bless you, my darling accountant
April 8: AM: nerds; PM: wankers. Done!
April 9: Magic at Magic Castle. Magic!
April 10: Weird weather makes bones ache
April 11: “Pre”aster eggs drinks candy YES
April 12: Decadent brunchfeast leads to napmarathon
April 13: aak eck feh arg ugh
April 14: A variety of little irritants
April 15: Tacos y horchata for lunch
April 16: Tired, sluggish, out of shape
April 17: .avi .mpeg .mov .m4v .fuckyou
April 18: Sister and her mister coming!
April 19: Glorious day: Johannafina’s, beach, music
April 20: Why me at work? Boo
April 21: I love this! And them.
April 22: Dream vacation. I need this
April 23: Santa Cruz Island: best ever.
April 24: Mark, Annie: stay with me!
April 25: Family’s last day. I vomit.
April 26: Bedridden slug. Then: Orange County
April 27: Day of OC high schoolers
April 28: Big news coming. Nervous sweat.
April 29: I gave notice! Holy crap.
April 30: Gaffes, boners, slipups, screwups, yeah!

May

May 1: New office space! May Day!
May 2: Funny moment:  face transplant scene
May 3: Allergies or cold? Beyond misery
May 4: Sometimes Hammy just needs … Valium!
May 5: Cough. Cough. Almond bundt cake!
May 6: Green phlegm and birthday dinner!
May 7: Media workshops, plural. Koff!
May 8: Getting to know new camera
May 9: Vague demoralization when improv sucks
May 10: Anti-mother’s day: Sushi, Star Trek
May 11: Start of a nutso week
May 12: My last bus commute! W00ties
May 13: This week is fucking BUSY
May 14: Coordinating events is backbreaking work
May 15: My camera is not working
May 16: Maybe my camera is working
May 17: I’m voluntarily seeing standup comedy?
May 18: Feeling the stress of lifechange
May 19: Another faulty webinar. Hello, 1990s!
May 20: THAT was my goingaway party??
May 21: Last day working at Univ.
May 22: Off to cabin in woods!
May 23: Sequoia National Forest: fuck yeah
May 24: No running water. Filthy ladies
May 25: Bacon and eggs for dinner
May 26: Prop 8. Prop 8. FUCK.
May 27: In shock at my lifechanges
May 28: Saying “bye, coworkers” by drinking!
May 29: Endless LA loop, then hula!
May 30: Ugh, I feel like LOSER
May 31: Finally, getting ass in gear.

June

June 1: Impure thoughts towards inappropriate males
June 2: Loving Timm Sharp in “Undeclared”
June 3: Finances are a touch screwy
June 4: Ankles are swollen! Sitting much?
June 5: “Who Sell Out” — can’t stop!!!!!!!!!
June 6: Shots and improv buh bam
June 7: Land of the Lost SUCKED
June 8: Improv workshop fun then cocktails
June 9: Snickerdoodles for breakfast and lunch
June 10: New woman: haircut and color
June 11: Laundry, podcasting, cleaning, nervous, Seattle
June 12: Met fellow internet titan Cloudy!
June 13: More Cloudy, amazingness. Space Needle!
June 14: Zen
June 15: Zen
June 16: NIA and yoga and BOOZE
June 17: Enough with the movement classes
June 18: Lovely.. everything turning into magic
June 19: OMFG epic day of madness
June 20: Savoring this wonderful time. Roommates!
June 21: Last one to leave. SAD.
June 22: Travel day. Droolingly tired. Work!
June 23: Adorable teen to work with
June 24: PMS does interesting things sometimes
June 25: Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson
June 26: Working for my sister! Wow
June 27: J’adore Edward Everett Horton
June 28: Love spending other people’s money
June 29: So busy with much bullshit
June 30: Fiscal year: OVAH. Now, naps.

July

July 1: Good lord, busy busy busy
July 2: These youths are heartbreakingly adorable
July 3: Exercising my flexible brilliant brain
July 4: Tamar’s here, fun fun day
July 5: Shopping, eating, Tamar, Tamar, yeah!
July 6: Oh, my NY honeymoon friend
July 7: No! Tamar, do not go
July 8: Framing pictures for work. Sigh.
July 9: Ugh, feeling woogly, in bed
July 10: More crapular sensations in head
July 11: Great improv workshop, shit show
July 12: Hot day, naptime, aimless
July 13: Skeeved thinking about Ian Curtis
July 14: Whoa. August coming up fast
July 15: Wrestling with PHP. Oof! Argh!
July 16: Taught improv class with ZEN
July 17: The Dor-Matts in town! Margaritas…
July 18: 26-hour migraine. Death, take me
July 19: Feeling better! Science Quilt DONE!
July 20: Post-apocalyptic dreams always entertaining
July 21: Rapist in my neighborhood, yay
July 22: Summer is going so fast
July 23: What? I’m making more quilts?
July 24: Entered my crafts into Fair!
July 25: Science Quilt madness everywhere, wow!
July 26: “Walter Cronkite Remembers” marathon: mesmerizing
July 27: Quilt: best thing I’ve done?
July 28: Babies being borned all everywhere!
July 29: More youth! They’re pretty cool.
July 30: Disorganization makes me nervous, sweaty
July 31: Officewarming! I love throwing parties.

August

August 1: Dancing! IKEA! LA! Pimm’s Cups!
August 2: Freelance eating up my Sunday
August 3: Bleary Monday Monday Monday Mondaaaaay
August 4: Oh, teenagers! Listen to me!
August 5: Ventura County Fair Opening Day!
August 6: Ankle hurts. That is all.
August 7: Hormones inducing intermittent weeping spells
August 8: Great improv show, dancy dancy!
August 9: Weepy but not depressed. WTF
August 10: Weird mood. Am I anemic?
August 11: Rick Springfield, deep fried Snickers!
August 12: Tired, hate this weather, FUG
August 13: Busy Bee’s turkey salad, yum
August 14: Fair day with Stacy, John!
August 15: Grey chilly Sunday of sewing
August 16: In over my head, kinda
August 17: More hoarding docs. Anxiety producing
August 18: I got paid, thank god
August 19: I feel old and tired.
August 20: Reminder: No more fucking LAX
August 21: I’m in Tahoe! Whoa Nelly.
August 22: Fantastic wedding and party. Love!
August 23: 7-hr road trip. Kill me
August 24: This travel day won’t END
August 25: Travel hangover. Yoinkies, evil trip
August 26: Wi-fi fixed. Working from bed!
August 27:  Pro. Cras. Tin. A. Tion.
August 28: Hot hot HOT FUCKING HOT
August 29: Tired of Science Quilt drama
August 30: Crafternoon! Flowers, beads, seam ripping!
August 31: Playing a massive game of catchup

September

September 1: No! Summer is NOT OVER!
September 2: Season Two of “Conchords”: sparkling!
September 3: It’s hot, I have eczema.
September 4: ImproJam. Houseguests! Drunken insanity
September 5: Day 2 ImproJam, Drunken insanity
September 6: Best workshop ever: sex, violence!
September 7: Wiki-ing accounts of feral children
September 8: Got a cold from kissing
September 9: Lidocaine — surprise eczema-fighting med!
September 10: Feeling pretty ooky with coughing
September 11: 9/11 commemoration making me sad
September 12: Getting ass up and crafting
September 13: Bad cold + depression = downward spiral
September 14: Ugh help me, am lost
September 15: Trying to rally. USA, USA!
September 16: Entered Junk Quilt into show!
September 17: I’m STILL sick, fuck everybody
September 18: Ate Arby’s today. Awful, shameful
September 19: Estate and garage sales, ho!
September 20: Ignored residual illness; drank maitais
September 21: Worked out! I really did
September 22: Hot, crabby, weepy, tired, unfun
September 23: Timereleased, unbelievable workout soreness
September 24: McVittie’s Digestives are highly addictive
September 25: French Canadians make me giggle
September 26: Downtown infested with drunks, Juggalos
September 27: Rockin’ some improv for Shabad!
September 28: May have a wee hangover
September 29: Danny’s and B&N with Grace!
September 30: Heart got rebroken. Fucking MAN.

October

October 1: Money misery just won’t end
October 2: Custom craft order from Marky!
October 3: Full of hatred for menses
October 4: Crafting, “Inglourious Basterds”, heaven indeed
October 5: Worked, worked out, yadda yadda
October 6: Menses. Drinking lots of tea.
October 7: Bleary and weird and woozy
October 8: Getting a grip. LAX, ho!
October 9: My sister Annie’s here! Love!
October 10: Performed improv for pay. Need.
October 11: Santa Cruz Island Mega Hike
October 12: TCB with elderly stepdad John
October 13: Annie’s gone, no! Downward spiral
October 14: So much rain. Fucking pouring
October 15: Still sore from killer hike
October 16: Inertia, lack of motivation, malaise
October 17: Loma Prieta earthquake 20th anniversary.
October 18: Crafternoon. Quilt accepted to show!
October 19: Crush on guy in commercial
October 20: Secretly relieved at freelance cancellation
October 21: Mr. Rogers was my dermatologist
October 22: Jeezus, webhost, you suck hard
October 23: Evil, hard week. SO CRANKY
October 24: Won a giant Oktoberfest basket
October 25: Carved, drank, ate, wore pumpkin
October 26: Monday, kiss my ass, please.
October 27: I made a bonnet! Sewy!
October 28: All technology is against me
October 29: Junk Quilt won first prize!
October 30: Date night with Talia. Relaxing
October 31: Nutty/awesome Halloween mob action!

November

November 1: Feeling dead on Dead Day
November 2: Shhhh, quiet. Shh. Shhhhh. Monday.
November 3: My hormones make me WEIRD
November 4: Tired of being the nag everywhere
November 5: Hustle bustle hustle bustle crash
November 6: This better not be flu
November 7: I like looking at men
November 8: Insane crafting madness! Thanks, Shana!
November 9: Painful Monday. Not feeling well.
November 10: Busy, crafts on the brain
November 11: I really like The Office
November 12: Was in a car accident
November 13: A little traumatized but ok
November 14: Yikes — shit hitting fan, hard
November 15: Craft boutique netted some kesh
November 16: Plane ticket to east coast!!!!
November 17: Epic month — wrangling with webhost
November 18: Carlessness sucks in mighty fashion
November 19: Hilarity ensued at tonight’s workshop
November 20: My car got towed away.
November 21: Day: Suck. Night: FABULOUS! Pajamas!
November 22: Oof, chores with a hangover
November 23: Everyone, answer my fucking emails!
November 24: Somebody? Give me a ride?
November 25: Moving and shaking, Ventura style
November 26: Some anxiety surrounding turkey cooking
November 27: Very pleasant Thanksgiving. And car!
November 28: Gramma Becky saw punk show
November 29: Shana: best Craft Monkey ever
November 30: I’ve got Craft Hand, ouch

December

December 1: Fear about everything right now
December 2: I am NOT street legal.
December 3: Working hard on unpaid jobs
December 4: Brrrr. Arctic winds are blowin
December 5: Weepy. Holidays are so awesome.
December 6: Craft fair was a bust
December 7: Rain, cold. I’m too wimpy
December 8: Menses bad menses go away
December 9: I work for kind woman
December 10: My “new” car: street legal!
December 11: Cleaning my filthy apartment
December 12: Rainy fun with Lisa L!
December 13: More crafting, you heard me
December 14: sedentary lifestyle equals sad lifestyle
December 15: 99 Cents store meals. Poor.
December 16: Insomnia makes me cranky
December 17: Bought jeans for me. Greedy!
December 18: Lesbians at the improv show!
December 19: Two parties. Food drink more
December 20: All day professor party insanity
December 21:  I’m a PR marketing machine
December 22: Fun good friends happy love
December 23: Run of mill packing frenzy
December 24: direct from plane to party
December 25: Nothing but eating. All day!
December 26: I’m a greataunt to cuties
December 27: Wow! Family drama-o-rama!
December 28: Boston to NYC kapow! Brr.
December 29: Fantastical Brooklyn day/night. Palatial!
December 30: Screaming karaoke madness. Also: beer.
December 31: Writing resolutions, feeling love. Hopeful.