I dare you to use one of these on your next name tag.

• Drunkard Washington
• Satan Adams
• Dick Jefferson (mockingbird)
• Polly Madison (macaw)
• Buddy Monroe
• “Unnamed” Quincy Adams (alligator)
• Pol Jackson (parrot)
• “Unnamed” Van Buren (tiger cub)
• Sukey Harrison (cow)
• Le Beau Tyler
• “Unnamed” Polk (horse)
• Old Whitey Taylor
• Mason and Dixon Fillmore (ponies)
• “Unnamed” Pierce
• Punch Buchanan
• Andrew Johnson fed white mice he found in his bedroom
• Butcher Boy Grant
• Hector Hayes
• Veto Garfield
• Chester A. Arthur: no pets. Boo.
• “Unnamed” Cleveland
• Dash Harrison (not to mention opossums Mr. Reciprocity and Mr. Protection)
• Washington Post McKinley (parrot)
• Pete Roosevelt
• Caruso Taft
• Davie Wilson
• Laddie Boy Harding
• Rob Roy and Prudence Prim Coolidge
• King Tut Hoover
• Fala Roosevelt
• Feller Truman
• Heidi Eisenhower
• Gaullie Kennedy
• Him and Her Johnson
• Vicki Nixon
• Liberty Ford
• Misty Malarky Ying Yang Carter
• Lucky Reagan
• Millie H.W. Bush
• Buddy Clinton
• Spot W. Bush
• Bo Obama