At left is the AP feed that greeted me this afternoon on the San Francisco Chronicle‘s site. It makes it look like the West is still Wild! Crash torch smashed ba-bang! And that last one: did the men fall off the cliff onto the train tracks just as a train was passing by, causing it to crash? Perhaps I’m not reading that right?

Even Ventura is not immune to the chaos ruling this state! I was quietly puttering away on my laptop earlier today at a cafe on Main Street when Pow! — right outside, the unmistakable sound of car hitting car. By the time I fussily put the laptop to sleep, had a fortifying swallow of non-fat latte and got out to the sidewalk to gawk, there was only this: two cops, a sad woman, her parked car with a crushed bumper, and a broken statue in the street. Anarchy, I tells ya!

The other good news is that there’s a new drug on the street. Mentos — now in Green Apple and Pink Grapefruit flavors! We candyphiles have been buzzing about this for months now online, frustrated that these new flavors were only available in other, much less deserving countries like Canada, gahd. But Monday night, a routine gum run to the icky liquor store on California near Thompson turned into a full-out junkie jubilee when this intrepid sugarholic spied the new flavors, gleaming in the hazy, fluorescent glow. Did I just turn into Gene Shalit there for a second?

And how are they, the Green Apple (Pomme Verte) and Grapefruit (Pamplemousse) flavors? Unfreakingbelievable, that’s how. I employ no hyperbole here. Just writing this, I am beginning to make involuntary yummy noises. How come the official word from Mentos is that Pink Grapefruit is only available to the US online? And why doesn’t Green Apple appear on their website at all? Am I dreaming this? Isn’t that a photo of my little hand stickily clutching the half-empty packs, about to jam the rest of the treats into my mouth — galmph!? Isn’t it? Didn’t I?

I think I had even more really important news to report but I think I’d better lie back on the fainting couch and take some of the cure for the vapours. I am simply overwrought.

Shhh…shhhh… rest, my little pamplemousse…