One of the weirder crafts I completed for the holidays was for my friend Violet. We were at a nautically themed eating establishment last fall; there were shark jaws hung on the wall — a not-surprising bit of decor. Violet mentioned offhand that it would be cool to have some jaws on her wall, but painted silver!

And, for better or for worse, I overhead that that comment and decided to fulfill her wish.

First, the teeth. I looked at everyone’s favorite online auction site for shark jaws. Lots of choices, lots of price points. I found an affordable one and bought it.

In what is extremely typical behavior of mine, I did not look closely at the measurements, or really at the listing much at all. Hence, the jaws were a bit smaller than I had expected. See the pencil for scale.

Shades of the Tiny Bag, no? (you really should click that link and read about the Tiny Bag)

But I thought (rightly) that I should just soldier on, that a Tiny Shark Jaw painted silver might appeal to the Violet White Funny Bone™.

Man, do I love silver spray paint. I have lots of plans for the rest of that can.

The plaque was the thing that caused the most headaches. Apparently, as clever as I am with manipulating and creating with other media, I know absolutely nothing about painting wood.

One can’t just spray paint raw pine. Ohhh, is that what that “primer” crap is for? Whatever. So I bought some black paint (oil-based exterior Rustoleum, which I was told was overkill) and took it to my painter friend Gary’s house. I stomped my little feet till he painted it for me, just to get me the hell out of there.

Much better. Thanks, Gary!

Et voila. I used some sort of extreme white clear-drying glue to mount the jaws:

And the back, upon which I decoupaged the information sheet that the seller included with the jaws. I’ll bet that spinner shark had no idea that he would live on like this.

Tsk tsk to the wambly placement of the picture hanging thingy. I tell you, that plaque, it was cursed.

Violet seemed to enjoy the gift, and (as I predicted) was amused by the inadvertent miniaturization of this project.

We do enjoy giving odd presents to each other (last year, I gave her a dozen vintage rain bonnets). She says that her gift to me has been sitting on her coffee table for her guests to ponder, and all them deem it “baffling.” Can’t wait! But will it beat a tiny silver shark jaw? Probably! Chomp!