Behind the brochures, across from the steam tables. Again.

I seem to attend a lot of Conferences (and am a member of countless Coalitions, Committees, and Clans). More often than not, I set up and staff the (dreaded) Resource Table. I kind of have it down — tape down the banner, tablecloth on top, fan out brochures, display board up, check check check — but my quality of experience varies dramatically, based upon the STLs (Sadism Tendency Levels) of the organizers.

Conference DOs! (partial list)

• Provide free wi-fi. Just do it. It’s cheap to implement and contributes greatly to everyone’s goodwill, particularly those of us who are approaching our data usage limits. Ahem.
• Feed and water your resource table humans. Since we often don’t attend the Grand Ballroom’s Breakfast/Keynote Combo, we stumble around outside the venue doors, tugging at the sleeves of anyone with a name tag, begging for a cup of barely-passable coffee.
• Send out a separate schedule to your presenters/resource tablers. It’s all well and good to tell us when the conference starts, but tell us when we should be there. Oh, say for example: 7:30am is when the conference starts, but ain’t no one gonna come by your table until after the Grand Ballroom’s Breakfast/Keynote Combo. Let us come in later. Later, dammit!

Conference DON’Ts! (ever so partial list)

• Don’t use the Papyrus font for anything, especially permanent signage, oh my god. I’m looking at you, major hotel chain that starts with an M and ends in a T.
• Don’t misspell our phone number in the program, and double check how our organization is written out in text, which for your information does not include an exclamation point at the end. Branding, people, branding.
• Don’t blow a freaking whistle to indicate that people should find their seats in the Grand Ballroom. Like, a full-on police whistle. It’s 7:30am. Soothing tones, please, for the love of all.
• Don’t give us one chair apiece per 6 foot table. If we are going to staff a table for 6.5 hours, changes are there will be two of us. Don’t be stingy.
• Confidential to Becky: don’t crack up when the luncheon speaker drones for 15 minutes, then says “long story short” before droning on another 15 minutes.

Best moment at this particular conference, as dessert is being served:

Unknown (to us) table mate, at full loud volume during the luncheon speaker: What is this!?!?!

Waitperson: Creme Brulee, ma’am.

Unknown (to us) table mate: WHO?!?!?!?