From Pamie’s archive, 2005:

PAM
Do you think the Kool-Aid people were pissed off about Jonestown?

DAN
How do you spin that one?

PAM
That’s what I’m saying.

STEE
The Kool-Aid man came bursting through the wall at Jonestown and was like, “OH…NO!”

DAN
“OH….SHIT!”

PAM
Backing up, picking up pieces of brick and wall.

SARA
Fixing the drywall with his bare hands.

DAN
Painting frantically.

PAM
Holding a fan to it so it dries faster.

STEE
“OH… NO!”

SARA
Calling up Mrs. Kool-Aid, making sure he’s got an alibi.

PAM
“I was with you, baby, the whole time.”

DAN
And she’s all, “Don’t make me have to marry someone else and take yet another hyphenate.”

SARA
She’d wipe that condensation smile off of his face. Fill him up with ice so she can draw a sad face on him, because it would look weird for him to be so happy about all those people dying.

From Mimi Smartypant’s archive, 2002:

feedmewithyrkids: Evil things cannot calmly enter rooms. They have to crash into them, like the Kool-Aid guy. Or like Aerosmith crashing into a Run DMC video.

feedmewithyrkids: Or was that the other way around?

Mimi Smartypants: The Kool-Aid guy destroys your house in the name of refreshment. (And I think Run DMC smashed into Aerosmith.)

Mimi Smartypants: They should have just gone next door and knocked politely.

feedmewithyrkids: But they’re rappers. They knock down the walls, old skool.

Mimi Smartypants: Technically the heart of the song is Aerosmith’s riff. Run DMC were the guests. Which means they shouldn’t be knocking down walls but asking “Hi Aerosmith, can we rap over your guitar thing?”

feedmewithyrkids: It’s an allegory about intellectual property rights.

Notes: Normally I would not excerpt so much without just linking to the original posts, but both posts are unusually long and the Kool-Aid sections are hard to find. Please go and visit the blogs of these talented ladies and read more of their stuff! Thanks for letting me reprint! Hi!

Also, Jonestown experts may note that the flavored drink in which the cult-killing poison was mixed was actually Flavor Aid, not Kool-Aid. Wow, suddenly that’s not so funny anymore, when you think about it too much.

And thanks to boptart for the photo!