I’ve groused about my horrible bathroom in which I must bathe. Up till this point, I hadn’t done a lot except to grouse because I honestly didn’t know where to begin — I think “bathroom remodel” and immediately think “ten thousand dollars” or “nightmare for months” or “screwed by our contractor”.

But now it begins, with minimal budget and even less know-how. I will post progress intermittently, for my own memory’s sake and for the sake of the approximately zero people who read my blog who are interested in half-assing a bathroom makeover with a very small amount of resources.

This house is going on the market as soon as the situation with the Elderly Relative changes dramatically, so it’s not a bad idea to freshen up the rooms as best I can. I have a suspicion that carpeted bathrooms, ginormous water-guzzling toilets, and decades of indifference (to paint, decor, or updating) are any kinds of selling points for the modern house-hunting retiree.

“Freshening up” is about the best I can hope for; besides, I imagine that the new owners will probably want to do some wall-bustin’ renovations — the “master bathroom” is unbelievably small, and the general layout of the house could use some major rejiggering.

I made a list of stuff that may be within my realm of possibility:

• Rip out that nightmare carpeting and replace with tile
• Replace that guzzling toilet
• Rip out the disgusting shower stall — replace with new glass doors and wall tiling
• Replace giant vanity and replace with smart little sink cabinet
• Paint, paint, paint
• Curtains, new hardware

I put the word out to friends to see if there were any handy types that would be interested in helping me out, and got a couple bites. However, I was still at a loss as to how this thing happens. If I can’t rip out and replace the shower stall; so what were my options then? What comes first, the tiling or toilet replacement?

Two fortuitous events occurred over the past couple weeks. First, my brother Pete passed through town. He used to be a contractor. I begged him to give me 10 minutes to look at the bathroom and make recommendations. He said that my list was on the right track — these changes would be the most aesthetically and financially appealing to buyers. However, the shower stall and vanity replacements were going to be prohibitive; he told me to grit my teeth and bear the horrible fake gold-flecked marble of the shower stall and vanity counter. So plan B for the shower: have the stall power cleaned, and replace the glass shower doors. Fair enough!

The second fortuitous thing was a dinner with two very handy friends. They were full of info, offered to lend equipment, help on key components and the timing. Score! So here’s my updated list, now with a timeline:

1. Remove hardware and buy replacement hardware
2. Paint drawers and cabinets, walls
3. Replace hardware
4. Rip up carpeting, assess what kind of prep floor needs for tiling (handy friends will help)
5. Remove toilet (handy friends will help)
6. Tile floor (handy friends will lend tools and set me started)
7. Install new toilet (again with the handy friends)
8. Replace shower doors (hire expert?)
9. Have shower stall power cleaned (hire expert — they use acid!)

With timeframe and plan in place, I got to have a little bit of fun..

…pinning the hell out of interesting ideas on Pinterest…

…making lots of notes and measurements (just like a grownup!) and picking out swatches …

… and taking a mass of before pictures (to come!)

Now that this Man Has A Plan, it has become extra-unbearable, this horrible bathroom. Not only because I’ve begun some prep work and painting, so there’s heaps of disorganization everywhere, but the two things that have always been deep irritants (carpeting and shower stall) have started feeling on the level of living nightmare. When I’m confined and showering in this corroded stall surrounded with cheap wavy glass shot through with a wire grid, I can almost hear a warden shriek “your two minutes are up, jailbird!”

PS: New numbers just in. Oh holy heck how do THEY get away with charging so much to redesign a shower stall? Prices start at $650?

• Check out the full redesign photoset
• Go to bathroom redesign 02