butter me up and all over

I had a Groupon for a face treatment — facial, peel, sandpaper scrub, you know — the works.

I had put it off till the last minute — past the last minute, in fact. It was only by the grace of (Skin By) Maria that I could use my expired Groupon.

The reason for the procrastination: I dreaded the appointment. Every facial I have had has been administered by a sadistic lady who berated me by criticizing my skin, scolding me for picking, and generally making me feel hopeless and ugly. A lot of friends commiserated with me about this odd black hole of non-etiquette. Why was it okay for the humans of this particular service industry to be so fucking rude?

This turned me off to getting professional skin care, though I’ve long had the desire and means to have someone tend to my face. My face that is not hopeless nor ugly, I’ll have you know. Yes, there are zits and sun damage and perhaps some picking. So what?

Thankfully, Maria was wonderful. Oohing, aahing, and even cooing a little over the fact I had so few wrinkles! At my age! And my hands — so soft, like a teenager’s! Oh, yes, there was a little sun damage, but she could take care of that — otherwise, she didn’t recommend anything else! So wonderful!

Okay, so she might have swung to the other extreme, but I much prefer slightly fake cheerleading over that other shit.

And my skin is now amazing. And I’m going back. Fancy that — she was nice and did a good job, and I’m suddenly over all those other meanies.

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