hop on pop
My father was a complicated man and a difficult human at times to love. Recently, my sister A and I had an epic online conversation about our dad. Much of it is a little too raw to reprint here, especially as we approach the soft-focus la-la Father’s Day. But here’s an excerpt I think he would have liked — a reimagining of his funeral, Theatre of the Absurd style. Jim possessed a deep and very dark sense of humor, something I can say that I am proud to have inherited — no strings attached.
A [After discussing dad’s funeral]: I started thinking about the other eulogy, the real one that would have been in the movie.
B: The mind reels at the movie version of our family saga
A: The movie version of that service at Mt. Auburn Cemetary! Yeah!!!
B: I feel like there needs to be a Greek Chorus.. but who?
A: How about all of our stepsisters?
B: I was totally thinking that
B: My eulogy would involve a Powerpoint presentation and some handouts
A: Har!
B: “Now is the time to put on your 3D glasses included in your packet”
A: Can we leave in the part where I start laughing during the hymn? [this is true; A started giggling and our brother had to put his arm around her and pretend she was crying]
B: oh YES, laughing.. then.. breaking out into song?
A: “We are here to celebrate Jim’s life. Please put on your 3Ds.”
B: HA! “and please put on the protective ponchos”
A: “Any children under the age of 35 should leave the premises..”
B: “Anyone with allergies to wild animal fur should use the side exits..”
A: “Ethel, would you like to start?” [Ethel, not her real name, is a close family member who did not attend the funeral]
B: “Ethel? … Ethel?…”
A: “OK. …Elmer?” [Elmer, not his real name, is another close family member who did not attend the funeral]
B: [a tumbleweed rolls across the stage]
A: I am paralyzed with laughter
A: The Irish are good ones for laughing at the dead, aren’t they? You can’t really laugh with the dead…
B: True.. Do they POINT and laugh, however?
A: No, but they should.
- smile to me and take my hand and wave good-bye
- disturbing immensity [you are welcome to ask for the password if you would like to read this post]
- ripped out of normalcy [you are welcome to ask for the password if you would like to read this post]
- thank you mudda thank you fadda
- Today, I remembered my dad
I wish you two were MY sisters.
From the moment I first heard the song, I thought “Every Breath You Take” by The Police would be fun to have played at my funeral. “I’ll be watching YOU!” heh heh heh heh heh…