After celebrating the first moments of 2009 (some us included the Leap Second in our countdown!), we headed out of the restaurant. Two of us were blowing noisemakers that made the most maddening, strangled sound imaginable. The second our group hit the sidewalk, a homeless person across Oak Street shouted “shut the fuck up or I’ll call the cops!” We found it odd that he chose to target us among the frequent gaggles of extremely drunken revelers. Granted, the noisemakers were, like, a 97 on the Scale of Irritation, but still. Truly, Ventura was as drunk as I’ve ever seen it — and Ventura’s default state is pretty drunk to begin with.

Not a minute nor a small number of steps up the block passed before a flock of aforementioned drunken revelers — this time, a group of young women — passed us. They, too were across Oak Street, heading in the general direction of Yelling Homeless Man. They took one look at our group and shrieked “Pussies!”

Why us? The majority of our group were strapping young men. We chose to ignore the namecallers. A couple steps more and suddenly Kyle, one of our group, whipped around, a look of aggravation on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he shouted. “I look like an idiot!” Kyle had donned a cardboard and be-glittered “Happy New Year” tiara whilst in the restaurant, then had forgotten that it was on his head. Perhaps he thought the tiara had prompted the comments from across Oak Street, but at any rate, he was really mad and that was really funny.

We got to the corner of Oak and Main when we were approached by Drunkest Man in the World, cigarette planted firmly in his mouth, filter side out. He stood in a slight crouch, facilitating his ability to stand; he undulated in a remarkable, almost shapeshifting way as he strove to keep his balance and to get his point across. Something to do with “Santa Barbara” and getting a light.

Some of us kept walking, some of us indulged the chap in a little conversation. But the rest of the walk to the cars was blessedly free of any more Vortexes of the Surreal.

By the way, here’s Kyle in his cute little tiara: