Neil Diamond just went public with the fact that he wrote “Sweet Caroline” for Caroline Kennedy. He came out with it at her 50th birthday party. I hope she was pleased about this. So, let me get this straight: Judy Blue Eyes is about Judy Collins; Carrie Anne is about Marianne Faithfull; You’re So Vain is about either Warren Beatty or Mick Jagger (right? Carly?)

Add me to the list of muses that have brought forth songs from the brains of musical men — three of them! Sadly, none of these songs were hit singles, nor does anyone really care that they were written about me.

It’s a double edged blade, being the source of sweet, lyrical inspiration. I’m burdened forever with identifying with these songs, and am paranoid that, while these tunes cast me in a somewhat flattering light, there might be scores more that are distinctly in that “what a bitch” category.

Of course, what this all really indicates is that I am a serial-dater of musicians, or “groupie,” if you will. Sigh.

I have to shyly draw a veil over the details about the men or the songs. Instead, I will spontaneously write a tune about me! Feel free to grab an ocarina, a couple spoons, or that conga that’s gathering dust in the corner of your cubicle. I have included suggested dance moves, as well. Play along, now!

Hey Hambox! Hey Hambox!
From the banks of the Charles River
Came a baby that set the world aquiver
It’s Hambox! {jazz hands}
It’s Hambox! {shimmy}
It was when she lived in Arizona
That she became an angry lone-a
Blame her mom and dad’s divorce
And that they never gave her a horse
So angry! {Rockettes kicks}
So bitter! {human pyramid}
Then onto to chilly Syracuse
And ex-per-i-men-tal drug abuse
California was less of a bummer
She dated drummer after drummer
Oh Hambox! {glaring}
We’re done! {shuffling out the door}

This shit’s easy! Let’s start a band, ‘k?

[I know, I didn’t live in Syracuse. Bronxville is hard to rhyme, even in my genius brain]

nablopomo 07 day 29