afternoon of the dead
Last week at work, I visited a website which installed some excellent pieces of malware into my system (I can honestly say that I was surfing sites for a work-related project!) My computer was turned into a zombie and started spewing spam to the four corners of the earth. (“Spaaaaaaaaam!”) It took the intrepid IT human nearly two full days to breathe life back into my poor hard drive. I am happy to report that I stored ALL of my files and documents on the shared server, so I lost, like, 4 fonts and that’s it. Excuse me while I run home to my computer there and back it the fuck UP. I know, I have a (kind of) virus-proof Mac, but really, there are a variety of Horsemen that can trot a Compucalypse my way, yes? And to you, too, oui? Just asking! (PS i’m inserting a little future-bet with myself: in a year’s time, the phrase “cloud computing” and the word “netbook” will be ubiquitous)
So I’m fairly wired, computer savvy, whatever, and also I acknowledge this great wide technological playing field of ours. Plenty of people who know more than I do and plenty who know less. I try to live and let live but occasionally those who are somewhat defiant technophones (“Proud to be Luddite!”) can get to me. Example. Recently, while visiting family members:
Me: So, yes, my job entails producing podcasts …
Luddite #1: What the heck is that?
Me: Well, it’s an audio file that can be stored on your computer or MP3 player …
Luddite #1 {sour face}: Stop, stop! I just don’t know and don’t understand any of that stuff.
Luddite #2 {dismissive waving of hands}: Me neither! Don’t have any use for it.
Luddite #3 {loudly and proudly}: I will go to my grave without touching a computer!
Luddite #1: So, Becky, what else do you do in your job?
Me {thinking and failing to think of something that doesn’t involve computers}: Let’s have more wine!
Another example. The other morning, a friend (with whom I commute) jabbered on, with a little too much glee (especially considering the early and coffeeless hour) about how she doesn’t have a personal email, how her family had to beg her to get a cell phone, how she just HATES computers! Another friend started chiming in, as well (“I just don’t want to be reachable all the time! I never charge my phone!”) Before the brainbrakes could be engaged, I said, with pathetic, deliberate earnestness, “people like you drive me crazy.” It’s a fairly benign statement, and was easily passed off at flippant teasing, but I was so very serious. And it felt so good to say it.
Please note: Although I could have revealed all with impunity, I have obscured details to protect the Luddites who drive me apeshit but who I love all the same.
Related hamblinks:
You stored ALL of your files on the shared server? You smart. I really wish I had done that before the virus swallowed my computer whole.
Becky (STOP)
We love you too (STOP)
This message was wired via Western Union. Western Union, when you care enough to send an electronical note, we’ll do it in five days time. On Main at First, in Miller’s Mercantile. (STOP, i said)