Posts by hamblog
more hot phone action
I was about 8 or 9 when I first was on the receiving end of a crank call: Me: Hello? Him: Are you in favor of gay liberation? Me: What? Him: Because I’m gay! {click} Not terribly witty, that caller. Then again, at that point, I was a veteran crank call-maker myself, of the very…
Read Moreget no answer at all
I stubbornly cling to my home telephone number (just as bullheadedly as I hang onto my 415 area code cell phone number.) Most of the calls I get to the ol’ landline are weird scam recordings warning me that my car insurance is about to expire, fireman and police organizations looking for donations (why are…
Read Moreit’s coconut!
My friends Katherine and Jim and their kids were at an outdoor event when a small, dirty, scruffy, friendly little beast decided upon them as her family. After depositing the creature in a shelter and waiting the requisite time, the now-named Coconut was brought home. She immediately took on the obnoxious little sister role to…
Read Moretv tether
I had an interesting few days, when everything in my body decided to exit out in a most garish and horrifying manner, accompanied by a constant, low-grade fever that roasted me slowly but in no way deliciously. Fortunately, it was foul but fairly brief — like being trampled by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.…
Read Moreshimmering objects of desire
For your inner starling (or whatever that bird is that likes to collect the bright and the shiny), may I direct you to the latest delights offered up from Darling Andrew’s cabinet of curiosities on eBay. His pictures and descriptions are charming (especially “A Great Big Convoy of Vintage Delivery Vans w/ Matches“) and all…
Read Morefirst quilt second life
The very first quilt I ever ever made was in 2001. It was a baby blanket for the offspring of my good friends Danny and Alison. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, hacking squares and feeling my way along. But thoughts of the baby kept me working and hoping. After enlisting the…
Read Morekomment karma komment karma komment karmeleon
If a comment you have made has subsequently disappeared, it’s me. My fault. I accidentally designated a page of valid comments as spam, and I might have done it before, too. My comment management system has no “oh shit! i take that back!” dunce-proof feature, so your thoughtful and always-delightful comments are gone. Gone. I’m…
Read More¡Ai! ¡Que ingenuo!
I was idly reading this article, Bill Would End Virginia’s Sangria Ban, when huh, I wondered, what’s the deal with sangria? Apparently, Virginia had some kind of oddball law prohibiting wine with spirits. Wine with spirits? What th’? I Googled sangria recipes and, contrary to my assumptions, sangria often contains more than just red wine…
Read Morecar commute, rip
For one year, I commuted daily — 43 miles each way, and often through stop-and-go (and sometimes just stop) traffic. Some images and impressions of the commute I no longer commute. Tanker truck with “Inedible” on back 10/1/08: If I hear one more person say “at least it’s a pretty drive!” I am going to…
Read Morelast night’s monologue, post-improv show, by a six-year-old boy
Hi! Hi! Hi! {shakes hands vigorously} Um, um um! {mom quietly coaches] Oh yeah, my favorite was the haunted house! {referring an improv scene, set in a closed department store, in which mannequins come to life} It was scary! Next time, I’m going to up there and give karate to the ghosts! Hi-yah! {flurry of…
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