beer and baloney pie

Carol took me to task a tiny bit regarding yesterday’s post:

Carol: The obvious comment here is “you had dough laying around”????

Ah, yes, it looks like I threw that in there, in a classic move of disingenuousness — “oh, gracious, I’m such a modest (but perfect) housekeeper, I have nothing in my fridge but dough and creme fraiche and fresh truffles — just the bare minimum!”

Let me assure you, I did not intend this. I did indeed have some dough lying around, but it was some gross scraps of croissant dough-in-a-tube gunk that I had leftover from the Halloweenie mummies I made two weeks ago.

I can cook fairly well (if pressed), but am extremely inconsistent, lazy, and almost never do anything construed as “fancy.” Having to put breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks on the table for the Elderly Relative every dingdong day has zapped whatever desire for creativity that might be living deep within me. He is on an extreme budget, and I don’t have a lot of time (or interest), and he really really doesn’t care about what he eats, just as long as there are bananas, milk, and baloney sandwiches perpetually on the menu (done!)

I’m always encountering situations in which my lack of interest is underestimated. One:

Becky: I am going to a dinner party and am bringing dessert. I am going to try, for once, to make something. What is a really really easy recipe? And by easy, I mean EASY easy?

Jeanie: Here’s a chocolate pie recipe. Couldn’t be simpler.

Becky: Yay.

Jeanie: But of course you have to make the pie dough from scratch.

Becky: What part of “easy” did not you understand?

Jeanie: But it’s so easy!

Becky: Are we both speaking English?

(I made the recipe and not only used a store-bought crust, but a no-bake store-bought crust. And it was delicious.)

Two:

This actually doesn’t personally apply to me, but I get mad at the stupidity of any show, article, recipe, or whatever that infers the concept of whipping something up just from “ingredients from your kitchen you happen to have in your pantry.” These mythical pantries always have fantastic and fresh ingredients, oh yeah, just like every pantry I know. Until I see a recipe that uses baloney, cheap beer, canned spaghetti, bananas, milk, or ingredients from the 99 Cents Store, I call FAKE.

Let’s revisit 2010 and the best pies I’ve ever baked, shall we? And let me tell you, that is pre-made dough, frozen fruit, and equal parts indifference and luck.

Best pies ever

1 Comments

  1. Carol Moore on November 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Fantastic! You made Diet Coke come out of nose! Croissant scraps laying around from Halloween makes me love you even more.

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