Important Breaking News at the Ventura County Star

Most musical headline:
Man stabbed, not shot, in Simi Valley parking lot
Repeat that headline outline in a singsong manner. Perhaps add another line. And a chorus! Then sing “Stabby Song” to your relatives tomorrow until someone throws a drumstick at your head.

The other important story the day after Obama’s election:
Dog trapped under car is rescued
“Today the tail’s wagging,” the owner said. “We feel so lucky.”

Just plain good news:
Haircuts for heroes
Jail for man who hit dad with hammer
High winds will likely die down

Most meta:
Ventura County Star delivery person robbed of vehicle, newspapers

On Sale at the (can’t quite believe they haven’t changed their name) Oriental Trading Company

• Animated Soft Leg
• Inflatable Wedding Cake
• Putty-Eye Neon Monkeys
• Squeezable Sticky Cows

Just to Confound Googling Perverts

Nuns clamming!

Other Bloggers Have Much More Interesting Lives then I

Craig Robinson went for a walk with his friend along the Thames. They discussed how disgusting various quantities of different food might be.

For example; eating a square metre of fried egg white. Or eating a brick of marzipan. Drinking a pint of hot butter, or a pint of aspic. Having a leaf-blower blow a crushed croissant’s flakes right down your throat. Or wearing a complete fried chicken’s skin as a helmet and eating your way out.

On That Note

Have a good Thanksgiving.