Nocturnal leg cramps. Horrible. If you’ve not waken up to your calf imploding into a black hole of cramping — well, it’s a treat. Think of me and my glibness when you wake the neighbors with your shrieking.

It’s been happening a lot — one particular incident was last fall when I woke up to both my calves freaking the fuck out. Usually, getting out of bed into a standing position (so that one’s foot stretches everything out) is the thing to do, but when both one’s calves are doing that thing, one just falls down. Dismaying to break a 35+-year streak of not falling out of bed.

I’ve also experienced cramping while working out, which so instantaneously hobbles me it might be comical if it weren’t so ow-ow-OW-OW-KILLMENOW-OW.

This ridiculousness started up about the same time I moved to my new abode in the summer. This made no sense until I realized that I started my Regime of Sensible Living (boring food, lots of sweating) at the same time. I still didn’t care enough to do any research until tonight, when I was in yoga, nice, sweet yoga, and my entire body was cramping up and down and all around. Feet, legs, side, arms, fingers, c’mon!

To the internet for some answers, stat! I had heard that low potassium was often the culprit, but I found that the biggie is the double whammy of low sodium and dehydration.

I should know this. While having to take tennis lessons in Phoenix in the summer, we all carried around water and salt pills. In Anza-Borrego last spring (oh that fateful trip,) I drank Gatorade in the desert and forced my friend D to, too. But somehow I was relating the whole electrolyte-depletion thing to high heat, not to exercising/sweating (and a diet that is low in sodium and sugar). So now I know.

What I don’t know is what exactly is an electrolyte. I get sleepy when I even look at the Wikipedia page. I just knows you have to keep ’em balanced, dammit!

Okay. So. Sports drinks are out, too much sugar. I Googled “make your own sports drinks” and recipes abound! But so many recipes and conflicting advice and measurements in ML and “agave nectar”.. and.. yawn. Way too much work for Bachelorette Becky, the laziest lady on the planet!

So, finally, I found that good ol’ Emergen-C (“little packets of KAPOW!”) makes their own Electro-Mix sports water powder. No sugar, no calories. I thought one had to have sugar in order to balance one’s electrolytes, but (LIKE YOU) I’m getting tired of thinking about this so I’m just going to trust Emergen-C on this.

I’ll let you know how it goes, I’m sure you effin’ care.

“Electro-Mix!” I feel I should be drinking it while wearing a white afro, sequined jumpsuit and ironic glasses. [NOT like this]

Update: here’s the followup blog post